The Princess is setting on a new adventure!!..*

Sunday, August 29, 2004

After u tot that everything has been clarified between 2 people, life should be peaceful and all right. I guess yesterday was a really suay day for me.. meeting with difficult mbrs and also got locked out of the room as the security system is spoiled.

After KTV with Chwee Hui and gang, I went to meet him. He told me he is tired and wants to go home early. Fine so we went to his place and he fetch me home at ard 10.20pm. I was home waiting for him to safely reach home but after a long while i still did not hear anything from him. I got worried and called him on his cell. The background is noisy and i was a little surprised tho due to the fact that he told me he was tired.

He told me he going supper to Bedok with his friends. So i asked who. He told me Thomas.. yea right was what i was thinking. Thomas stays around his place and of all places he wants to go to bedok to eat. He told me he has got something to pass to him and I remember very clearly that he did not bring anything out at that time. I got good memory when it comes to him.. sue me..

Of course i was angry.. he lied with his eyes wide open but i am not going to be like some stupid girls out there who got lied to and yet don't wanna do anything abt it... maybe u can say coz those girls trust their bfs.. lolx.. in the end when they get cheated i wonder who will get the last laugh. Of coz with me and my evil mind, not wanting to be like those girl, i asked for more information. Well i see nothing wrong to that.. I was the one being lied to. I deserve to know the truth. He told me his friend went to buy food. Nm i can wait.. i dun think his friend will take the whole night to buy a bowl of ba chor mee.

He also said he was with Ah boon.. haha Tts even better! i know ah boon i can talk to him.. After much pushing and poking my nose in, he confessed that he was with a girl.. his so call primary school mate, Cheryl. Whoeva that is i hate that name already. Yea so even if it is that cheryl, god knows if such a person actually exist. I was so mad and pissed. Imagine this..

Your loved ones going out for supper just the two of them in the middle of the night.. and worse he thinks its nothing wrong to do such a thing behind his gf's back. All he can say is to go out with her for a chat. If anyone happens to know my boi, no one will expect that from him.. No one ok.. not even myself.. that's the last thing in my mind. If its a guy its still alright for me tho its a lie but what's new.. this ain't da first time.. not even after a pact we made with each other. The usual excuse is he know i wun let him go out with other gers and that i will be upset. DUH! so fucking DUH i wish i could fuck someone's brains out.

I was so angry i asked him to go home immediately.. While talking to me.. he still can sound all nice and whateva.. well for his own face i guess.. not wanting others to know what kind of person he is. I am not like that if most if u guys know me, I say what i want and what i think. If i dare to do something, and its wrong, i face whateva i will have to.

I believed he talks to his friend regarding abt us before.. but hey who will be here to listen to my side of the story? Some people might think its nothing wrong if he goes out with a friend of another gender late at night just the 2 of them as long as they are just friends. What if he gets drunk, or seduced by a slut and the unthinkable happens. Yea yea yea, they always says what they know they are doing. Haha but being guys, as much as they deny that they are not sex or lust hunger creatures, temptations will still get in the way. So who will end up getting hurt most? Yours truely.

He always says that he will remember that i told him that i need someone to pamper me a lot. And to him everything I want him to do for me is just coz i want him to pamper me. e.g. hugging me, consoling me.. etc.. When i am sad, i got no one to hug to. We will stand at arm's length with him looking at me or waiting for me to cry finish den he talk. I will stand there and wait for him to console me but no action. I asked him.. if his gf is crying and all upset, he just stand there to watch and do nothing? I don't want to say out what's his reply before i get accused of putting words into his mouth again. He told me he scared that i will get violent.. ooh please.. if i really wanna hit him or punch his face out, I would have done it already and not wait for him to come close to pity me den take action. Ooh yea he was not the one who got pushed first so who's the one pting fingers.

So there you go.. If i need him to hug me or hold me close.. things like this i ask for, I am labeled as being demanding and spoiled. I am labeled demanding as the basic things i feel my guy should treat me is not there. I think he treats his friends better as he always tell me he needs to spare a tot for his friends but whose there to spare a tot for me?

I made him come all the way to my place.. Well since he is not tired to go out with another ger.. i believed he should be able to come down here. We talked and at first he was telling me he dunno if he still wants to cont be together.. He says he is v confused scared that i will still restrict his freedom to go out with other gers and that i should not stop him from doing what he wants.. WHY WHY WHY should i make myself stop him.. shouldn't he spare a tot for me and respect me not to do things to hurt me.. I am a girl.. which ger will not be jealous to know their boi is outside having fun with another ger.. yea maybe i wun be if i just treat him as my ATM machine or just a make out buddy. Wrong boi wrong.. i give my 100% to him but haha no guy will ever appreciates. and AS IF i am not afraid, to be lied to over and over again by him.. haha but den again, I can't even feel any guilt from him to feel that his sorry for lying..

I cry and cry and cry.. thanks to yan for being there to listen muakx. Maybe i am in the wrong.. wrong to give my all to a person who is not ready to commit and understand for me.. I talked to another of my friend and was told that i am not lack of suitors but she just dunno why i allow him to hurt me time and time again. I am sad that the person who claims to love me, CHOOSE to lie to me to tear my heart apart. Why dun he just rip me into pieces.. i think that would hurt less.

I still love him sad to say.. a lot.. so much i think i am a fucking nut to allow someone to treat me this way.. i believed he will change one day.. if not i will just get him a blown up sex doll as a gf.. someone who will nv ask for anything or stop him from ever going out and yet he can have the best time of his life.

Darling u might think its not nice of me to post this here but U know what has happened and this is the only THING i can tell to when i am upset or what.. I love you a lot..

I asked him if he minds that i wanna go out with a guy for supper so late alone.. he say he dun mind coz he knows i love him.. If i really do that will he still feel the same? I have not done that before u know.. and worse.. Can i make myself do that?? wo hui guo yi de qu ma? if u guys notice i have thanked a Da Wu Gui in one of my previous post.. he saw it and when we quarrel one night. He said.. since u so happy to talked to him den go find him la.. I can sense jealousy and can feel at least he cares..

If anyone think i am demanding while u know shit abt us, think twice. If ur guy/ger(if u have one) treats u like this someday and u will still let him be and not give a damn, I will be the one having the last laugh.. and a very good one too..

the princess left at
3:33 PM

Friday, August 27, 2004

Today i went to do my nails.. isn't it sweet???

the princess left at
11:14 PM

Thursday, August 26, 2004

Haha.. sometimes people ask me why the pic on da right and the pics i took are a little different.. well tts coz when i smile, i got v pinchable cheeks.. i can't help it.. so at times i prefer not to smile when i take pic.. so act cool.. no la actualli dun wanna show my fat cheeks onli lolx

the princess left at
11:40 PM

A pic of me and cynthia taken in the call centre! she's real cute man..

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11:38 PM

haha can see part of my uniform???

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11:37 PM

me with the headphone and ooh.. my ooh so blardy messy hair...

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11:35 PM

Sunday, August 22, 2004

hahahahaha i dun think so.. or else why would some people bad mouth me and stuff.. *puix*

the princess left at
6:10 PM

it happened again.. why must this happen to me all the time.. these few days especially.

I have been made to wait all my life.. and i am still waiting...

It's been like that these few days.. if got go out for outing or anything, just coz 1 person dun wanna go, everything is cancelled and poor me, its damn upsetting for me..

Others treat me this way even my close ones..

I am feeling v hungry now again.. dun ask why please.. i ain't going to say anything b4 i get craps again.

*ps* some people have no originality at all.. what i have they must have.. what i did they must copy me.. shame on u.

the princess left at
1:14 AM

Friday, August 20, 2004

Let me share with u guys a very touching story... seriously the last part actually applies a lot to me.. it is why i am what i am but no one understands..

-------------------------------------------
From the very beginning, girl's family objected strongly on her dating this guy, saying that it has got to do with family background, & that the girl will have to suffer for the rest of her life if she were to be with him.

Due to family pressure, the couple quarrelled very often. Though the girl loved the guy deeply, she always asked him: "How deep is your love for me?" As the guy is not good with his words, this often caused the girl to be very upset. With that & the family's pressure, the gal often vent her anger on him. As for him,.. he only endured it in silence.

After a couple of years, the guy finally graduated & decided to further his studies overseas. Before leaving, he proposed to the gal: "I'm not very good with words. But all I know is that I love you. If you allow me, I will take care of you for the rest of my life. As for your family, I'll try my best to talk them round. Will you marry me?" The girl agreed, & with the guy's determination, the family finally gave in & agreed to let them get married. So before he left, they got engaged. The gal went out to the working society, whereas the guy was overseas, continuing his studies. They sent their love through emails & phone calls. Though it was hard, but both never thought of giving up.

One day, while the gal was on her way to work, she was knocked down by a car that lost control. when she woke up, she saw her parents beside her bed. She realized that she was badly injured. Seeing her mum crying, she wanted to comfort her. But she realized that all that could come out of her mouth was just a sigh. she had lost her voice.... The doctors says that the impact on her brain has caused her to lose her voice. Listening to her parents' comfort, but with nothing coming out from her, she broke down. During the stay in hospital, besides silence cry,.. it's still just silence cry that accompanied her. Upon reaching home, everything seems to be the same. Except for the ringing tone of the phone. Which pierced into her heart everytime it rang.

She does not wish to let the guy know. & not wanting to be a burden to him, she wrote a letter to him saying that she does not wish to wait any longer. With that, she sent the ring back to him. In return, the guy sent millions & millions of reply, countless of phonecalls,.. all the gal could do, besides crying, is still crying.... The parents decided to move away, hoping that she could eventually forget everything & be happy.

With a new environment, the gal learn sign language started a new life. Telling herself everyday that she must forget the guy. One day, her friend came & told her that he's back. She asked her friend not to let him know what happened to her. Since then, there wasn't anymore news of him. A year has passed & her friend came with an envelope, containing a invitation card for the guy's wedding. the gal was shattered.

When she open the letter, she saw her name in it instead. When she was about to ask her friend what's going on, she saw the guy standing in front of her. He used sign language to tell her "I've spent a year to learn sign language. Just to let you know that I've not forgotten our promise. Let me have the chance to be your voice. I Love You." With that, he slipped the ring back into her finger. The gal finally smiled.

Treat every relationship as if it's the last one, then you'll know how to Give. Treat every moment as is it's the last day, then you'll know how to treasure. Treasure what you have right now, or else you will regret one day....

-------------------------------------

Well the story nice right... sad to say i always treat every of my relationship as if it is the last one.. not that i am scared i will get dumped or have the intention to break off with anyone but its that i will never know when i will lose them..

I got this off one of my poly friend's friendster details..

~~~~~
Love - isn't how much you can get, but how much you can give;
it's not about giving up, but holding on;
not about how you say, 'I love you,' but how you show it's true.
It is something far more precious, but something far more fragile.
Hold on to it too tightly and it will crumble in your fingers.
Hold it too loosely and the wind might blow it away and shatter it on the cold ground.
Listen to the voice in your heart but be absolutely sure the voice comes from your heart.
~~~~~

I think i dunno what's too tight or loose... or so it seems to be from what i know of..
i listened to my voice in my heart.. but it is hard to find someone who agrees with what my heart says...

the princess left at
10:46 PM

Just came back from Mdm Wong.. really had a nice time with Sandy Mabel and Esther.. haha... happy hour and they drink so much.. As usual i stick to my Ribena! yummy...

very tired now.. yawnx...

Nite all..

the princess left at
12:26 AM

Wednesday, August 18, 2004

Guys guys guys....

Today i suddenly got very pissed with a friend.. What's with guys nowadays.. getting old and all.. still only know how to look for girls by their looks only.. And den when the girls starts to dump them, all they can do is to be so sad and devastated. Come to think of it, they nv really ever get to know that girl.. sighx.. what the hell is wrong nowadays..

It's funny how two people can actually get together.. one party may be interested but the other may not.. but yet no one voiced out anything and the matter get worse as days goes by.. One moment he is interested while another moment he practically distanced away. How sad to get to know people like that.. bringing hopes up and crash their dreams with just a snap of the finger. I just can't help it but be upset.

An ironic incident happened today.. left me hanging there not knowing what is actually happening or what actually everything means.. One moment this the other that.. Boy am i confused.. but should i let this affect me? I really have no idea but to wait and see..

I find that everything around me affects me a lot seriously. Even Jasmine commented that i am so sensitive and feel so much around me.. I can't help it that i care for all that i know of.. I am not always a mean bitch ok..

I am fun to be with or rather i wanna be a fun person to be with.. Hope it really is haha

the princess left at
11:31 PM

Monday, August 16, 2004

as requested... the ugly pic

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10:16 PM

Saturday, August 14, 2004

Finally managed to sort out everything between us..

felt better :)

*hugz*

the princess left at
3:47 PM

after everything that has happened..

it falls down to one sentence..

"maybe that's the way u deal with ur life"

the princess left at
1:37 AM

Friday, August 13, 2004

Just smsed him just now.. he told me he v tired and when he reach home he wanna go and sleep already. Asked me if i mind... all i can tell him is that.. is there a difference?? If i dun meet him or what, i dun see if there is a difference if i talk to him or not..

Den i said that there is still ten more days till we meet what.. his reply was "Ya i know.. Hehe.." He my ass la.. serious wtf right?? sound so happy that these few days he can dun meet me.. fucking disappointed man.. let me emphasize on da work fucking man.. __

He den said, "you dun wanna rest too meh?? i tot tt time u also asked for it.." Blardy hell.. i told him break better dun waste time and make me miserable waiting for him.. Not everyone likes to be separated from their love ones.. its worse when the one you love give u a period not to meet..

I somemore said to him.. since like that den dun regret if some guy ask me to go out.. Besides, he said that i can have my own guy friends also..

He den replied me to ask if i wanna watch twin effect 2 with him.. HELLO! am i stupid?? do u need to change the topic and expect me not to realise and be reallllllllllll happy that u wanna go out with me?? PUHLEASE! Now u know right! when i was with u right from the start, i nv contact guys.. know new guys.. or go out with them.. U have never appreciated what i did for u.. i was always by ur side.. letting u know that i wun run away or leave u alone.. It was very upsetting when u left me standing there just like that.. hint hint = sharon's chalet tt time.. Just reminds me of the times when i was with HQ.. how he just walk away and leave me there like that..

So now u know.. i can run.. i can hide.. and if i wanna do it.. there is nothing u can do to stop it.. u wanted all these.. i would still be v loving and devoted to u until u asked for it.. treating me like dirt and knowing that u treat me like that.. u still continue to treat me like that..

Some people might wonder.. why am i condemning my bf like that.. well everything i said was everything that has happened. I find that blogging is the onl way for me to relief all my stress and hurt. I can't pour my troubles to him.. instead of listening and comfort me, he only know that its my fault or say "who ask u to ...." or say "u always think u are v great la".. eeh fuck.. as if i am not upset enough.. I can't pour out to the person who is my so called bf den who?? Married le how?? i tink i will kill myself sooner or later man..

He said he wanted the 2 weeks for HIM to rest and to think about our future. HE wanna rest for 2 week.. HE decide one lo.. HE just carry on.. and HE still like so happy abt it. den me le? *bang* dead ok? think about our future... hahahhahahhaha now already like tt.. still dare think of future meh?? U wan a future with me and yet u still like that.. I dun wanna marry someone who i need to protect and take care of.. instead of the other way ard..

Some people might think why am i still with him... I dunno.. maybe i just can't let go of something i took so much effort to build up.. Going thru everything with him right from the moment he go NS.. been thru his BMT with him and also when he first go PA for 6 mths of training.. Every night when he is in camp, i would be the one waiting for his call every night to let him know that altho he is alone in there, here i am still waiting and loving him.. wriggle my way into his life so that i can fit into his enviroment.. doing things that i have nv done before or is so not me.. been thru done that.. I still try my best to be part of it.. but when i ask him to accomodate to some of what i like to do, all he can say is that he not use to it or that its not what he wants to do and ask me to do it myself.

Its not that i can't do it myself.. just that i just hope that he could be more involved with what i do.. maybe my meaning of loving someone and his is just different.. den again.. Name me 10 things that are the same for us.. *rolls eyes*

To my da wu gui, thanks for being there for me these days chatting with me and all.. you really made me feel happier when we are working.. Thanks to you being so nice at first if not i think we would not have known each other.. looking forward tml.. Hope i call 4446 and u pick up so i can kajiao u.. :P

the princess left at
11:52 PM

Wednesday, August 11, 2004

I did not have any dinner.. starving to death right now..

When i stand up to get a drink, i nearly blackout.

Kenny asked if i wanted to go out to eat.. am waiting for him.... waited v long already..

He said his parents are out and he does not have the car.. so we wait for the car.. but den if too late den he dun wanna come already as tml he works morning shift.

just wish that i hungry till i faint and pass out

den tml no need work and also make him realise that I can get sick and die also like the rest of da human species

the princess left at
11:17 PM

well well it was proposed that we give each other 2 weeks break..

i wonder what will happen after two weeks...

sighx

hope everything is fine...

anyway i have taken part in the Singapore Face but i know confirm CMI. The height thing i fail already.. let's not talk about the size ok??? haha but i was given an average of 7.79/10 when i view it yesterday.. highest was only 8+/10.. guess its rather alright..

well see face only mah.. haha see everything den diff liao

the princess left at
8:57 PM

Tuesday, August 10, 2004

My dream guy.. how should i describe him? Hmm.. let me see..

1) Firstly apprearance does matter but not to that extend. Pleasant looking to MY eyes would be just fine.. Does not need to look like Nick Carter or Prince William lol.

2) Must know how to give me a sense of security.. He needs to know how to protect me and encourage me in everything i do. To lend me a listening ear and not to critise me on everything tat i do or say thinks like, "yah la u always think u are the best la".

3) Able to spend quality time with me - Look! i said quality ok not quantity. I believe that if u really love someone, you will be happy to spend time with each other all the time and not go like, "I do not have to spend all my time with you"

4) To be there whenever he can to stand by me and not leave me alone to bear all the hurt and pressure alone. It is very important. I am a girl so as to say i do not wish to bear all the things alone if i have a so call boyfriend but all he does is to stand there and watch.

5) That i am the prettiest and of coz the best in his eyes.. If i love someone, I will love him for all the good things and accept his bad points. Even if it is bad, i will try to look at it in a good way. I will not say things to put him down.. unless he did it to me first of coz haha..

6) Never To flirt with other girls or to lie to me.. I don't care what the lie is about but a lie is still a lie. Don't give me crap like, "ooh if i tell u u confirm will anyhow think or be angry." Fuck it.. if i know it before u tell me, i make sure i will show u the worst of me.

7) Never let other people.. anyone! to bad mouth me and sit there and laugh along with them. Worse, to add more oil to the fire.

8) Most importantly, to love me with all his heart.

Why am i saying all these? I also dunno.. I just feel sad that out of the eight things that i have mentioned, only 3-4 is what i have.. I have already tried my best to fufil all eight of the things that i mentioned on my part.

Everytime i think about it, i will cry.. tears will just flow outta my eyes.. it sux.. Many people might think i am lucky that at least i did have something outta the 8 things but hey if u were to get a guy only 3/8 of the things u have mentioned, would i still consider him as the one for u? Am i still lying to myself that things will eventually turn out better? I really have no idea. I am really pinning all my hopes on it.

You know what's worse? lying to myself that things that i think are not true.. and that its all my fault.. that i am demanding.. but think abt it again.. i won't be if i have at least a bit of what i want. I would not think that way until SOMEONE said that i was demanding. Who the hell are u to label me that? do u even know me well? do you even know what's happening in my relationship? Don't think you will know everything just coz u see us often.. no you don't so STFU..

No one will know how it feels that when i need someone to talk to.. all i get is that i love to complain so much and that i always think i am right. Or that when i need someone to stand by me, he just disappears to one corner and i have to bear all the pressure myself. To be lied to and yet forgive coz your love is too strong.. Someone to tell you that he will company u to watch a certain programme but end up watching alone while he is playing his stupid game or just idling in front of the com..

Life is short.. I will spend my life to the fullest.. not to be some coward to let others step on my head. I know i am confident about myself and i am able to stand up for myself.. But i have my vunerable side too..

At times outta no reason i just start to cry.. i am starting to feel that i am really pathetic..

the princess left at
12:13 AM

Monday, August 09, 2004

Today had a talk with dear on how i feel regarding the things that happened for the past few days. At times i think i am really too sensitive but maybe that is cause i have been thru enough therefore i am extra careful when it comes to relationships.

Nonetheless i love dear a lot.. always will try my best to forgive his silly mistakes but den again.. does not mean i am good to bully ok? Dear do something that bite me once, i make sure i bite him hard ten times more painful.

I know he love me a lot too but its just that he dunno how to express himself well only. Dear can be really sweet if he wants to.. We quarrel a lot yes.. but den we still care for each other.

I know u need your freedom.. i am trying.. don't u see i am spending quite some time with my friends already? I need time to learn but i dun wish for us to keep anything from each other.

Today i found out that some of my colleagues have become couples. 2 to be exact. I am so happy for them..

I was told abt this guy at my work place also.. I also feel he is extremely nice to me but den again with my attitude he dare come near me meh? also i always annoy him by mentioning kenny.. therefore conclusion is that.. if u dun give others the impression u are interested, they never will think otherwise..

the princess left at
2:14 AM

Thursday, August 05, 2004

A picture of me at the call centre in the afternoon.. tonight will be going for steamboat buffet to eat.. er.. confirm fatter after tonight! more pics for ya!

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10:50 PM

The group Pic! The pic is so blur.. makes me look like shit.. ooh well should not have pin up my hair :(

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10:45 PM

Mabel Da Jie and me!

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10:44 PM

Hazel and me!

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10:43 PM

The birthday girl Sandy!!

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10:42 PM

This is joseph! and me of coz..

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10:41 PM

This pic of me and Adrian is so blur!!

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10:40 PM

Me and Alvin!

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10:39 PM

Yawnx... Just woke up.. very tired now..
Going to the doctors soon that is why i woke up so late..
Ooh well later i will be going to work anyway..

Wondering how tonight will turn out. I bought Sandy a Forever Friends presents. Its so cute i love it so much! Hope we all have fun tonight... I shall eat and eat and eat again... bish.. always eat.

the princess left at
8:13 AM

Tuesday, August 03, 2004