The Princess is setting on a new adventure!!..*

Monday, May 28, 2007

Surprise surprised! got a lovely and sweet surprise today...

Went to work in the morning as i am on half day leave.. exams are tomorrow and i am meeting ron in the afternoon for revision.

A few days before, i was discussing with ron and paul regarding the chocolate and spice muffins i used to buy from tanjong pagar, but as paul is staying at shunfu/sinming area, there's another outlet there.

Ron was so sweet he went over in the morning once he wake up and buy for me to eat. I am very touched by the effort that he bothers to surprise me.. well as you all may think now is honeymoon period ma, i don't care... its the thought that counts..

ok my cam sucks but this is a pic of it..

i am blissfully happy~

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

the princess left at
11:28 PM

Oh wow!!!! what an amazing week!!!

I have a big announcement to make!!!!!!!!

I am in love... yes oh well haha *shy*

The past week was sweet and lovely, i know an amazing guy who swept me off my feet... i can't believe it myself but yes its true!!!

Remember the guy who i posted before, yea his my sweetie Ron... a classmate who i have been with in IM class for a year but only got to know recently...

Things happened pretty fast i have to say but yea i am very happy everything has happened.. well as you see, we were having exams then and it was hard for us to talk about such stuff then, so basically we thought of discussing this after exams and concentrate fully on it.. but hey! i don't know how it happened but on 27th May 2007, it just sorta confirmed everything and i boarded his pirate ship.. haha as in 上了贼船.. but yea i am pretty happy.. very in fact... at that very moment just that very thought of being beside him makes me happy...

as most of my friends know.. its not easy for me to find someone i am comfortable with.. pretty hard in fact.. usually i just shoo the guys off.. was it because i eyed him before already during class? haha i have no freaking idea..

Of course we do have our differences but i told myself that basically in a relationship, have to give and take and compromise.. i don't want to make the same mistakes again... just hope that both of us will be happy.. we talked about a lot of things, or i would say we try to tell each other everything.. which is good as communication is very important in a relationship, rather then keeping it all to yourself and only burst out when you can't take it.. or that u expect the other party to assume.. tsktsk...

Well all i can do is to hope for a happy lasting ending out of this one cause Ron makes me feel special.. yes as in not that i have ever felt before.. I have my fair share of past relationships and even during courting times, i have never felt this fortunate.

Haha as i was telling him today, now i have to get used to a tall bf.. yippie!! i love him being tall.. i feel so safe when i am in his arms.. I don't know why but as you all know, i have a pretty strong character.. i am outspoken with a know it all attitude.. but in the end i am still a girl who would love to be pampered and loved by a guy who can take care of me... Being with Ron, he takes care of my every needs, little details he will notice and make sure i am safe.. I feel protected and sheltered when he is around me as he will look out for me and not leave me there to do everything myself..

I really feel that now i have a real man in my life.. sorry to say this not that i wish to bad mouth kenny but yea most of the things i have to do myself. he expects me to be independent and all, kenny's not an mcp, in fact all along his quiet with the heck care everything attitude and "i will tahan it all till i can't then i will burst in your face" thing going on. kaox can't believe i bear with this for nearly 4 years. Its good that my man can show me the way and guide and encourage me..

Why did i say he make me feel special? i don't know.. i guess partially i feel very happy as i know we feel happy being with each other..

To deardear: Thank you for loving me :)

the princess left at
1:43 AM

Saturday, May 26, 2007

woah! yesterday's cf paper was a killer

past 2 night i have been staying out late with him to study.. yes study only la kns..

but still 3/4 of my stress gone!! i am so so relieved..

you know its like.. sighx i feel that if i have to repeat again its so paiseh...

anyway on a lighter note... after exams i went to cut fringe again

also bought a new hair dye and now my hair so dark kns.. its ash brown.. dunno la but i still prefer blonde

remember my previous post on watching pirates? ya i am going tonight and yes with someone i want to go with!! yippie!! so happy..

the princess left at
5:11 PM

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Today is a dreadful day

i took my IM exam today and i screwed it up big time

i want to cry

sobx sobx... i think i need to retake it again... yea and don't bother telling me don't worry will pass one.. please.. don't..

anyway yesterday i met a classmate to go to bishan cc to study.. my usual spot.. and he invited another of his friend whois also in the same class as me..

anyway its a very funny thing cause our teacher miss koh, she jokingly said to me and neng before that if i eyed on any guy in class, let her know and she will put them in my tutorial group.. i and neng was still like laughing and i was playing a fool with neng who shall they be... but of course we did not tell her.. we are not stupid ok haha.... Well in the whole lecture hall i guess i only told neng 2-3 caught my eye.. but of course we were laughing throughout the whole thing..

and then came that guy who met us at bishan cc.. ya.. of all the coincidences in the world i am one lucky girl that day.. *faint* it is so embarrassing to even talk about this here in case anyone sees it.. but then again i guess it is only my friends la.. ok winner i did not even bother to dress properly that day.. but i can't do anything but to just make do with whatever...

Well surprisingly, he is nothing like what i imagined. i thought he is rather quiet but he turned out to be funny and yea friendly. Aside the fact that i think he is cute(to me at least.. who cares what others think), everything turned out alright! yay!!!!

We exchanged contact and of course msn.. i am like so dead without msn.. and we chatted the night through while encouraging each other to study... i hate to study!!! argh!! i can't believed i wasted so much time not studying.. all thanks to people who likes to waste my time...

Come to think of it, i had enough of people abusing my kindness and taking me for granted.. yea i guess this is not the first time u heard me say this to but i really need to pull myself together and get rid of them from my life once and for all... why am i such a softie to let people bully me... i don't know also :( its not good to be nice to people who always bully u... sobx sobx....

Anyway i wanna watch Pirates of the carribean and also shrek!! who wanna date me to go?!?!?! or i should say... Will the one that i want them to bring me ask me to go? lol..

the princess left at
7:08 PM

Sunday, May 20, 2007

oopsieeeee......

i ate soooooooooooo much today

i snack soooooooooooo much today

i am getting fatter!!!!!!!!!!! time to lose weight!!!!!!!! more weight!!!!!!!

I received my P plate (pass down by a friend)

weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

my IM and CF are sooooooooooooo dead........

funny how it seems.. today is a weird day... was at SIM with neng and ren studying...

stupid girls made me do something stupid... cause i and neng kinda got stuck at the topics we are studying, they made me approach a guy... i tell u ar.. if not for the fact i don't understand it also, damn i would never do that.. its so not me and they know it... but tt guy's damn smart and he knows a lot about this subject... sighx the sacrifices i make for my friends.. thank god i made neng do most of the talking.. its embarressing..

after tt i went over to GE's chalet.. i am sooooooooooooooooooooo happy to see them as i miss them a lot.. well got to know some new people as well.. got a couple of cute guys le.. but younger den me one la.. haha but oh well whatever... An ex colleague as usual is very nice to me ar.. so paiseh make him go to school to fetch me there and den make him fetch me back home hahahaha... but don't anyhow think ok.. people married and gang hao shun pian so he fetch me hor... I do not go for married or attached guys.. i know how to draw a line...

anyway as the guys were chatting upstairs, i was downstairs with the girls.. till i message him ask him when go back cause i tired.. he ask me go upstairs to chat with all of them.. initially i am a bit scared cause i don't really know the guys and yes even though i said the guys... its actually the bigger bosses... kinda cool actually cause when i was in GE i din't really get to know them.. or i should say i always stay away from the bosses... but ahaha they are a fun bunch of people la.. talk abt my job.. abt my ambition.. and we even mention tt before i want to leave GE i was thinking of going to repo or remittance.. well but i din't cause i don't know if its a good move.. KY ask me why din't i tell SB or any of them as they will help me if i want.. haha i don't know them ma... anyway so happy the bosses are v nice to me still even when i am not in GE and worse i was never in their dept.. they even invite me to their next chalet outing.. sighx..

Mr david foo was inside also and we were talking abt being hainanese and all and he even mention that he is related to the owner of st james le and next time just report his name will do hahaha i even joke to him ask him get me a membership card le.. but haha i don't think so la.. where got so easy.. want means get..

anyway i go around today giving out my name card.. now i am left with none!! damnit should have brought more along... haha.. give them so they can keep in contact with me..

Sighx.. today at the chalet.. so many people ask me why my bf nv come with me.. when i told him we broke off le.. everyone was so shocked and surprised.. some asked me why.. i don't even want to explain as i am sick of explaining so i just came up with something lame.. well it doesn't really matter why also right.. its the past... or that when those who don't know kenny, ask why i nv bring my bf, i told them i don't have... i get to see their surprised look again.. damn.. what is wrong man haha...

Mr Foo today said to me that.. Hainanese woman makes a very good wife and Hainanese man are good lovers.. well will i make a good wife? is it cause i know how to cook? to do housework(tho i am blardy lazy but i do know how to go about it)? Or that i really put my heart and soul into it.. i don't know.. i really don't cause i guess i always feel i am never good enough... Even Soon boon agrees with him that he heard hainanese woman makes good wives... well i am not sure about this but i do hope its true as i want to be one.. hehe.. if i get married eventually la i mean..

ooh well time to sleep... tmr still need go sch study and pia with the gers.. can't order KFC or Mac cause miss neng will say got poison (inside joke). haha

Joke of the day:
Why did batman climb up the tree?
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.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
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Ans: To find robin...

Funny right? can catch the joke not nb... :\

ciao! nite sweeties.. the princess love u all.. esp those who are there for her when she needs.. thanks dearies.. regardless guy/ger.. i know u all care for me.. *hugx*

the princess left at
3:26 AM

Friday, May 18, 2007

Someone posted this in cozycot today
"And No cos I always tell him only shameless women who had no upbringing will go break up another's family intentionally. My parents taught me well. Period."

family.. relationship blah blah blah.. same la..
glad my parents teached me what to do and what not.. tsk tsk... and yea the word shameless fits perfectly too. haha

anyway on a lighter note.. nowadays i get a lot of compliments from customers, colleagues etc.. so happy... I got customers who think i am very pretty and want to intro their sons to me haha but of course no thanks la!! Or that i got customers who hit on me trying to get my number.. ooh well.. Colleagues think i'm pretty which is a good thing cause at least i wun be sad and dwell everyday what the hell is wrong with me.. their compliments make me feel better...

but still it surprises my colleagues when i tell them.. yes no one is chasing me.. kns is it very surprising? To them i am pretty, i look like barbie doll, jap, whatever.. and i should have a lot of suitors.. but when i sit down and think if i do have any, i don't have le hahaha.. i think maybe the reason is me.. i shut myself from others easily... its not good i know but at times i cannot help it... but still i don't know why it surprises them that i am single.. very surprising meh!!

I used to have guy friends who tell me, i look like those girls who always have bf.. as in you know someone to take care.. but hell no that's not true.. remember that time when i and ken first broke up, it was a year and i was single for a yr ok.. I asked Eugene about this also.. he mentioned something along the line that he won't dare to chase me also.. not because i am not good or anything.. is it because i seem like those girls who are difficult to chase? or just that the guy feels he is not good enough for me.. sighx.. i don't know la...

I still think i am fat and people don't even want to look at me cause i am still fat and that's not pretty at all.. at much as i tell myself my personality can outshine it all, looks is just as impt ok.. don't lie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Or maybe it is that guys i like, just don't like me and those i don't, yes they like me... shit happens i know.. sighx

Anyway my allergies still there.. my lips are very full now.. though still lose to angelina jolie but can compare liao.. its very smooth and 100% very sensitive.. what is wrong man.. my lips just swell.. but come to think of it.. looks quite nice le.. but i don't like the feeling!!!

the princess left at
10:46 PM

hey people i'm back! not feeling well this few days, don't know what wrong with me... i never knew i can be allergic to anything and till today i am still clueless what i am allergic to.. sighx... although it does not show on me but i feel horrible.. thank god my allergics can't be seen but yes it hurts like hell.. just that i am not whining out loud.. sighx..

let me see.. its been more than a month that i am single already.. things just happened so fast and sudden i guess i was living in a shock for the past few weeks.. how is everyone getting along i wonder.. how am i? i am not sure too..

I wanna say something.. at times i think i do not want to be like this but people force me to.. don't make me look like a bitch just cause you don't get things your way... sighx i am really taken for granted at times man.. this is sad man really.. i feel offended and also i feel that at times being nice sucks!!!

let's see.. got to know 2 new friends.. guy friends to be exact.. and boy are they a bunch of smart people.. tho both of them do not know each other. Let's name them KT and KL. Well KT is a smart guy.. the way he talks and carries himself.. it shows a lot about him.. and yes he is ambitious as well.. kinda like me.. but i can see him way ahead... he was offered a scholarship and went to the states to study for a few years.. those kinda top student guy... why am i not as smart!! haha

While KL, typical RI -> RJC -> Nus kinda guy.. interesting guy, quite cute also la.. gentleman.. at least not the kinda guy who makes me feel that they are up to no good haha. though i guess but just a little quiet and reserve i guess... a little too early for me to assume as i do not know him well enough yet... Well after talking to him, he does share the same thought as me in a sense that we feel if you don't move on to improve yourself, you'll always fall behind.. No wonder he is looking into taking up a MBA now.. Why why why!! i should have studied harder last time

This 2 guys impress me a lot.. No offence to anyone but friends around me are not really the damn fucking smart kind.. yes they are hardworking and smart but i just don't know why knowing this 2 guys make me feel stupid.. yes for once in my life, i feel inferior to a guy, For once i wish i can just shut up and not talk in order not to sound stupid. haha you know what i mean? I am a confident person, i do know things happening around me and i have no problem making conversations. But in front of them, i try not to talk, i even crack jokes and i think i am damn lame ok -.-. Me!!! I think i have met my competition.. people who actually make me shut up and listen for once.. It is driving me crazy and i wonder if i can handle it.. but still i want to know them more to know how they work things out and learn to improve..

But i guess what really impress me most about them is their willingness to work hard and achieve things.. Today one of my colleagues Shadiq, who works there for 14-15 years? told me that i take my degree as a "physical" cushion for my career but for him, its his "mental" cushion that helps him... damn! mental cushion? i have nothing le.. i only know how to make the REAL kinda cushion lol...

Its been a long time since i cook for my family or anyone to eat.. will do it soon.. need to practice..

At times i think of my past with kenny, makes me wanna laugh.. the stupid things i do just to make him love me.. let me try to list some..
1) Change myself a lot to whatever he wants me to be (not perfect la but try v hard ok)
2) Cause of him i cut down my vulgarities by 80%
3) took up driving lessons so i can drive him home if he is tired
4) do lotsa shit to lose the weight and try to make myself prettier ( u dunno the shit i make myself do to lose weight.. i tried it all... even things i dint tell him i did, tho still chubby but i guess better then last time.. )
5) constantly challenge myself so that i am improving esp for my salary.. it just jumped so much.. i don't know how i did it.. i just worm my way up there just cause i want a better life for us.
6) study degree.. yes its all for the money and high paying career in future too..
7) do lotsa handmade things for him but he just put them one side.. (kns a lot of effort one ok)
8) make him priority, i planned my time around him.. stupid move cause it wasn't a good thing i guess but i learnt..
9) choose to ignore everything and forgive whatever he does.. i don't think it helps much la cause i think when i do this people take me for granted.. the look in their eyes telling me every shit they throw at me i will forgive... i just can't bear to be angry at my love ones for long... i rather forgive.. but den ai ya i will always be labeled as the bad tempered bitch no matter what i do la.. i do admit i maybe xiaoqi at times but *shrugx* is it wrong?
10) Tell my parents a whole lot of bullshit letting them know how good he is to me.. tho it din't happened.. i very kua zhang one.. i want everyone to think he treat me very very good.. but as for the downside, i will just keep quiet, pretend it din't happen and just hide it.. well cause i don't express it to others how i feel abt the situation, the only person i can tell to is him.. so yes i admit i do nag/say him.. but i guess what i am doing, to save him face, he does not know.. well its ok.. he wun ever know also liao la haha.. know also no use.. not that it's gonna help

Well for me at times i do things, i don't like to let others know what i am doing or what my intentions are, cause maybe i know what i am doing and i don't see a need to boast about it.. He may not see it in the short run but everything i do, there is a reason behind it..

Well but all these are in the past already... he has moved on with his life and i am still stuck here.. waiting for someone make me believe that love does exist i guess.. I really don't know what i done wrong already.. i am scared to do anything cause i am scared of making the past mistakes and in the end, things don't work out..

Well i know what you are thinking.. can go know those 2 guys i mention right? please la.. now i know people is purely friendship cause i don't dare to try.. and if u know me well.. i dun usually make the first move.. i guess i am scared of rejection.. i need to know the guy like me first den i dare to move.. oh dear god, i am already hurt so many times.. can kindly be nice to let the guy initiate while i sit, wait and act pretty can?

all i want is to be happy, as usual i don't mind how the guy looks as long as it is presentable to me, as for money wise, don't need to be the damn rich kind loh.. just average will do, most impt is the chemistry and also how i feel towards a person. It's damn hard for me to like someone? i'm not sure.. i haven experience it yet... or maybe i will be stuck in this position for a long time thinking still why the one i love so much will want to treat me this way.. still regardless what, he will always be that special someone to me that came into my life before and left 4 yrs of sweet memories.. but girl you gotta tell yourself to move on if not u will be stuck forever cause he already moved.. all i can answer is.. i'll try.. i don't know when or how... be it tmr god let someone appear in my life or that i decide to be a lesbian (looks at sharon/nengli) haha.. i just hope it will be soon :)

the princess left at
1:36 AM

Sunday, May 13, 2007

my feelings are a little mixed up now

i am scared i guess

i don't dare to face it

i'm afraid of being hurt again? i guess so.. that's why i am keeping quiet i guess.. sighx..

how i wish i don't need to be the one who has to initiate anything..

spare me!!! oh god i've been through a lot already.. please let things go smoothly for me ok

the princess left at
4:47 AM

Friday, May 11, 2007

Today i had my first paper... crap i really don't know how i will fare this time.. its a little hard to predict as this is like the toughest paper and yea i don't know how i have wasted so much time not studying it.. duh.

i studied till like 5.30am in the morning and woke up at 7.30am to get ready for exams. I din actually sleep well as it was raining and i kept on being disturbed by the thunder sound...
meanwhile also i was running the formulas through my mind...

sharon actually came up with something stupid saying that those born in the year of pigs should wear green as it is suppose to be our lucky colour this year.. But i told her that our POA teacher used to ask us to wear red underwear haha so i told her, i will wear red lingerie, top and bottom and a green top... so when i met her, i din realised that i was carrying a green bag too. We started laughing.. yes its silly.. imagine how desperate we get when it comes to times like this..

For the past few days, things are different.. very different.. as in the way i feel and all.. its something refreshing i guess.. ooh well i don't know how to say.. let's just wait and see what happens...

still got cf, im and msm... sianx.. tmr is momo ROM day.. will be attending..

see if got chance to take more pics not hehe

the princess left at
11:17 PM

Thursday, May 10, 2007

i can really imagine how she is feeling now..

to those that knows what actually happened, although they did not appear to mention anything but deep inside must be thinking what a slut she is..

you asked for all of this...

i'm glad i managed to clarify things on my side to people who matters..

gosh what have i done wrong to deserve this man..

as i always say... what goes around, comes around....

exams on friday.. no time to study liao
i spend 3 weeks dont know doing what..
what a bad timing.. sighx..

but its ok... i will wait patiently!!

the princess left at
12:48 AM

Monday, May 07, 2007

sometimes the more i get to know more about it the more i don't know wanna laugh or cry

someone left you... den you went and try to break another person's relationship

what a cycle

my life is like a channel 8 tv drama.

他妈的！

In the past i always tell myself if i am faithful, i guess my partner will respect me and be faithful too!! if i am not in a vicious cycle, then why is my life so miserable.

evil thoughts have been forming in my mind at times.. damn i should be using the time to study instead! but what the hell... i guess i am too upset..

I was told that i am a person with high expectation... well i mean as much as i hate to say it.. i am living in singapore, its a very competitive environment. if you don't aim higher you may fall behind. just like in school, i use to aim for A, den i get B or C. I still pass, and i nv get so upset cause B or C is still ok.. but if we always aim for borderline or pass, what if we fail.. u people get what i mean? sighx..

but i admit money is impt for me.. i mean please la its a fact in life.. i am not materialistic but come on face it. The thing with me is that, i nv expect my partner to be rich, or to earn a lot. If he earns lesser than me, it is fine. the reason is cause i aim a very high salary for myself. As long as he is financially stable himself and has a sensible mindset that savings are impt in life. It is good enough for me..

Its ok if my partner is not able to pay for my everything or give me a sup card to use for my shopping(like what most of my gfs have), if i have it wow its great but if not its fine too.. such things are bonus but most impt is our love for each other. Which girl don't like to be pampered by their bfs.. sighx..

As for me having high expectation, i do have le but not on my partner but for myself. you can say why stress myself so hard now.. if i don't and i start stressing when i am old, isn't it kinda late already... i study so hard.. fuck la degree is not easy ok.. i don't wanna work hard for a degree and end up my pay is like just slightly above 2k( what most fresh grads are getting now)? No way, lao niang already getting more den that as I know what i am good at and cause of me constantly reminding myself that i don't wanna grow old being poor or end up borrowing money from others, i have to work hard to get a good pay with my diploma now and when i get my degree, i can ask for more..

Sheesh i hope some good company can pay me $3.5k starting after i get my degree.. yes i am praying.. I guess i am lucky in a sense that among most of my friends, my pay is really not bad now already... More money = spending more! Serious! I am so afraid of applying for a credit card. I know i will not over spend but still i am afraid!

Thinking back when i was working in cpf, nv have i ever thought of applying for a credit card cause it seems too far away. Now i am trying to apply for a platinum card first.. wait till i can get my first gold card!! still so far away...

Where i am working now... i meet high flyers everyday.. when i was with him, nv have i ever like thought why can't he be like them earning so much, yet i am satisfied that he is happy with his job, i have never said it though.. what was running through my mind was rather that as long as he loves me, i am happy.. and its ok if i have to be the one earning and saving as well.. that's what want also.. Nv have i been tempted to like try and get to know any guys at my work place also.. nah i am not like that.. but i have been aiming to be a dealer in future, hoping to earn more so that my future will be better off.

some people just need a kick in the ass to motivate them to start thinking and do something about it.. guess they don't realised they need it and my words of motivation seems more like forcing instead.. I mean if a person did mention wanting to further his studies like 1 yr plus ago but is unable to decide. till date still deciding but yet din't bother to find out what courses are offering out there till i take the initiative too, would u do something about it as u thought the person just need someone to start him off or would u just leave it.

I guess constantly i am being misunderstood.. my intentions are all read the wrong way man..

Recently i helped one of our top remisier(an uncle la) apply a trading account for his client, this foreigner.. it was not easy as there was a lot of information missing and yet he wants the account to be open as soon as possible as he will be on leave soon.. I tried hard to "chase" other dept to expedite the case and monitor the account for him. I mean this is actually not in my job scope but since this uncle has been very nice to everyone, just help lo.. den today he came to my counter and wave a one million dollars cheque at me. he look so happy and thank me that i got him a One million dollar deal.. shessh.. how i wish it was mind instead and i won't be even getting anything out of this.. but i am glad that i could help.. One million le!!!!!!

I always thought the one who loves me, won't expect much from me.. accept the way i am.. i know i'm weird, i'm different from others, the things i like and want are different too.. i always speak my mind, i don't like to twist and turn cause i am the sort of girl who knows what i want and will work hard towards it.. I do have my attitude and that's what makes me different. That's what is special about me...

I know you don't like some bits of me but whatever that you do not like, I am constantly trying to improve.. and never have i complained why can't u accept me the way i am.. yet every thing you throw at me, every new things i discover about you everyday, be it good or bad, i will take in all and look at it on the good side. but i nv expect u to change for me. Maybe i could have said some things in a fit of shock and anger but if someone angered you, would u still laugh and kiss their ass? i doubt so, but u just don't get it.

Sometimes the more you think that the grass is greener on the other side, what if the otherside is a land of grave yard instead.

I have committed 200% into it, living each day as if it was the last, loving you as if i may not be able to already tomorrow. Everyone told me that they are expecting us to get married sooner or later.. yea i guess we did mentioned abt it that we maybe ROM the next year that's why we started saving..

but now all these are gone.. cause of someone *beep* ok people add in whatever you want. i have had enough using names on others.. sighx.. whatever happened to responsibility, faithfulness, and you know what...

By the way, i gotten my driving licence on 16th April 2007. My first attempt and i got 12 demerit points.. so heng le.. will take a pic of it later..

Sometimes i wonder if i should be what i am not.. when my parents give birth to me.. all along i have been the cute type.. although i have grown older, being cute sucks... but also i have never attempted to take sexy pic of myself.. i cannot imagine myself doing tt too, and worse i nv even wanna call myself sexy.. regardless of how many people tell me i am and should have confident in myself. I just want to be me.. maybe one day when i am ready to be like that den i will be.. but sometimes i wonder.. is it good to really be myself? sighx its confusing..

i guess every post from now on will be about me ranting about how hurt i will be
gosh when will this stop.. is there anyone that can save me? sighx

the princess left at
11:20 PM

Sunday, May 06, 2007

today is siti's big day..

i attended her engagement.. first time i been to a malay engagement.. all her family members helping around.. cooking in big pots.. everyone sitting around chatting...

i went into her room. a bed full of pretty stuff from her to her fiance..
i am sure faizal will love what siti prepared for him..

i am so happy for her
she look so beautiful

will post up the pic soon

It's ironic that i am attending a malay engagement. it's like a slap in the face.. i don't mean it a bad way really it just happens due to bad timing..

deep inside i feel so sad.. i wanna cry but i can't show siti... it felt horrible thinking about it... its just like someone close to u died and yet u have to like go to the cemetary for something.. yea like reminding u of something u don't want to..

then again looking back.. this is not the first time i heard abt a guy in tp doing the same thing or i should say not the first time i hear the girls there doing the same thing.. not pointing fingers at anyone just saying it based on past experience... my poly girls, u should know who i am talking abt..

of course i am happy for her but i don't know how to explain this but it hurts real bad..

it's hard to believe people change in such a short time..
its even harder to believe why people choose to be a third party in other people's relationship
i have never try to break anyone up or be involved in someone's relationship intentionally..
i guess whatever i do i believe in retribution and karma but sometimes i guess even if u do things not wanting to hurt others.. u still get hurt eventually..
worse is that they don't even feel guilty.. guess that's what makes them wat i don't want to be..

why must the one u love most hurt u so much
yet they can't see the devil that is leading them blindly.

the princess left at
10:54 PM

Closure........

end of a chapter in my life.. i will blog about it soon..

exams coming.. got so affected i think i am going to do badly..

what's gonna lie ahead? i'm not sure..

now being alone scares me at times but i am trying to cope.

the princess left at
2:20 AM

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